Don't you know who i think i am?
by AllyPhobia
Summary: i fricken SUCK at summeries, so just read it!....please?oh fine! whiners...after a summer in the states, hermione returns to hogwars with a new look, new attitude, and new friends, but what will her old friends...and enemies have to say?
1. INTRO! YAY!

Don't You Know Who I Think I Am?

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE HP CHARACTERS OR LYRICS FROM RANDOM BANDS!! All I own is this plot, Ash and Mark...yea, that's it.

Summary: there really is no way to describe this story right now..but don't you worry! i'll come up with a good summary!...i hope...

And guess what? I shall post the new chapter next time! Because I have a VERY limited amount of time on the computer,...so yea, tomorrow for sure! 8D

nah, i'm just kidding but it IS sort of short, but oh well, better then nothing..so ONWARD KIDDIES!

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Hermione's summer could be described in two words: extremely random.

For one, she was in the states. She had a pen pal named Ashley Komiya there. Ashley, or ash for those who didn't want to get beaten into a bloody pulp, had been writing to hermione for about three years, and after a whole lot of insisting, coaxing, and a few death threats, she got her to come spend summer holiday with her.

Hermione was sitting on the front porch with a tall glass of iced tea, her head moving side to side, as if she was watching a tennis match, as she watched Ash and her brother Mark arguing.

" YOU BITCH! I AM SOOOO GOING TO KICK YOUR SORRY ASS!" Ash screamed

" No way man! it's YOUR fault!!" Mark yelled back

" How the fuck is this my fault?! YOU were the one in charge of the squeegie, and cleaning the windows!"

" What the hell does that have to do with this?!"

"Hmm, let't think a minute shall we? The windsheild on MY car is broken, and the squeegie is snapped in half! Now, WHO was in charge of the squeegie again?"

"...oh yea..."

Ash's eye started twitching...a sure sign of imminent doom, and with a shriek of rage ash tackled him and proceeded to cheerfully beat him to death.

" I, OW! don't, OW! understand why, OUCH! you can't OWIE! just fix it with OWOWOW! magic! OOF!" he wheezed as she sent a fist into his gut.

" Oh yea, duh!" she said cheerfully as she got off of him, took her wand out of her back pocket and said "reparo!" the glass instantly melded back into a single pane and fit itself into her car."

" I hate you...so very much." Mark said as he winced, both eyes now black and blue, and holding his sprained arm.

" Heheh, sorry about that mark..." she said sheepishly

" whatever." he said, mumbling what sounded suspiciously like 'just wait till' tell my mommy on you'

Ash and Hermione burst out laughing. Ash jogged up to the porch, stole Hermione's glass, and took a gulp.

"So, is our big shopping trip still on for tomorrow?" she asked wiping her lips.

"Hells yeah, mate!" Hermione affirmed, both girls exited, as Hot Topic, Zumiez, and all those other wonderful stores awaited them.

well, theres chappie one! it sucked, i know, but i'm trying! it will get better, promise!

i better not see any flames! or SOMEBODY'S child is going to pay! 3

phobia


	2. Plane ride from HELL!

Yo.

So yeah, shit happened, namely a friend of mine dieing in a car accident.

But, I feel like writing, so without further ado..the next chapter. sorry it's so short

...oh! And just to let you know..this is rated M mainly because of EXTREME swearing. So if it offends you, sod off...and I don't own anything but ash and mark...so far...

Oh! And just to clear some stuff up, this is mainly in a thrid person p.o.v. the next chapter will be hermione's P.O.V.

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"Wow, you sure can put away the chow." said Mark, watching Ash eat a rather large peice of pizza.

" Shut up, bitch, or I'll attack you..like a bear." she said as she flexed imaginary claws, then put her long black and green hair behind her ear.

Hermione snickered, and continued eating her own slice.

"So, mimi, even though we have to wear _uniforms_," Ash said, spitting out the word as if it were poisonous " We can still get something totally hot to wear on weekends and other occasions...and under our robes!"

"What did I tell you about calling me mimi?" Hermione sighed.

"Oh! Right! My bad, mimi, the best, prettiest, and most talented witch in the known universe, huzzah!" she said, finishing in a mock bow.

" Nevermind, mimi will work."

" Thought so" ash grinned, " So, about the uniforms...?"

"Yeah, I guess...so what exactly did you have in mind?" Hermione asked, as they all stood up and threw their empty trays away.

" Oh, nothing too fancy, just..A WHOLE NEW WARDROBE!" she said as she flashed a few credit cards.

" No! I can't let you do that!"

" Oh come on mione! I've never been able to do this before! We won't miss the money, we're loaded! So pleeeeeeaaaaaaase?" she asked, giving hermione a puppy dog pout.

" Well..."

"YES!" Ash dragged Hermione to Hot Topic, where they bought Tripp Pants, studded belts, and anything else that caught their eye.

"Wow, I never expected that to be so much...fun! I've never been one for shopping." hermione admitted as they were walking out of Journey's with loaded arms.

" Well, that's because you've never went with me!" she said with a wink.

Three hours and a very full trunk later, they were at Ash's house, packing all their new things into trunks, because they were leaving to london the next day, as Term started in a week.

" push harder!" Ash grunted as they tried their hardest to push their trunks into Ash's tiny trunk.

"I'm trying!...wait...why don't we just shrink the stupid things???" Hermione asks mid push.

"Oh...right...didn't think of that..." said Ash, quickly looking around for signs of people before she shrunk all their belongings and finally closed the trunk with a bang.

Ash climbed on top of her car, her hair getting into her eyes,and her shoe falling off in the process. Hermione pulled her thick, wavy hair into a ponytail, and clambered up beside her.

" So, how do you think Hogwarts will compare to Salem?" Hermione asked.

A thoughtful look crossed Ash's jade green orbs, before she smiled and said

"It'll be loads better! There I won't have snobby little bitches trying to talk to me so they can hook up with my brother!"

"Uh...wow...that's...yeah.." said Hermione, unsure of what to say.

" Yeah, shocking isn't it? That people would like him when he has the personality of a month old pile of horse crap, eh?"

Hermione could'nt help but to crack a smile at this. "So...when are we leaving?" she asked

"Oh, not for a few hours," Ash replied. "Our plane doesn't leave 'till six...and it's only two. Besides, we still gotta 'pack' Haku, and Jinx!" she said, gesturing to her dog, and Hermione's newly aquired cat. Crookshanks had taken ill over the summer, and passed away, so that's where Jinx came in, her parents bought the kitten for her, hoping to ease the passing of Crookshanks.

"We have a few hours to kill, might as well show up early and get through Airport Security, get our tickets, and something to eat."

"Yeah, you're probably right, let's go!" Ash said shoving Haku into the car, and starting the engine.

When they got there, they got their tickets, and were headed through Security, when Ash had a particularly nasty exchange with a security guard, when he accused her of carrying weapons, which she actually was.

" I'm sorry miss, but you can't take that with you! You need authorization!" said the harried looking guard.

" That's what I've been telling you, fucktard!" Ash yelled, her eyes like green ice as she glared at him. "I HAVE AUTHORIZATION! Here!" she said, shoving the paper in his face that she had been waving at him.

He gave her a withering look after he read the form.

"Why didn't you say so sooner?" he asked

" Well I was TRYING to, but CERTAIN PARTIES wouldn't shut up long enough for me to get in edgewise." she said..glaring right back...as she grabbed her bag of sharp objects, turned her nose up , and marched off to join an amused looking Hermione.

"Ugh, people these days." she said, "lets just get on the damn plane before somebody gets bitch slapped."

Hermione laughed, " Alright, but, why DO you have weapons with you?"

Ash said "Ohhhhhhhhhh thats right! I never told you! Well, there was this academy for martial arts near salem, so I went there, and well, yeah, black belt baby! I thought, why not take all my stuff and keep practicing there?"

"Um...okay, sounds good I guess."

The rest of the boarding went without incident, and soon they were sitting in their seats..munching on a sandwich from Subway.

"So, details." ash said through a mouthful of turkey.

"Huh?" Said Hermione

"Details..you know..rules..who went out with whom, that kinda thing, so I know what to expect."

"Oh...well, rules are very simple...just read 'Hogwarts, a History'."

"Kay...I'm almost done.." said Ash, gesturing to the half finished book

" so far as who went out with whom...I'm not to sure..nobody really cares...and if you run into any trouble in that department..I'll hex em." said Hermione with a grin.

"And if anyone even LOOKS at you the wrong way..say the word...and...oh I dunno...they'll get a few shuriken to the face maybe?" she said.

They both laughed, and returned to their sandwiches.

" Good morning everyone, I'm your captain, and this is the flight from Salem to London..the weather is fine..."

"Blah, blah, blah ze blah blah blah." said Ash as his voice droned on an on about the perfect flying conditions. "NOBODY CARES..all we need to know is that we won't die in a horrible fiery crash that kills everyone." she said..as the people behind her exchanged uneasy glances.

At that, Ash gave hermione an evil grin and continued.

"Man, have you every realized how high we fly? I mean..and there are no parachutes..and if we crash, and blow up...nobody for miles might find us...unless we crash in a city..then we would kill loads of people...and look at the way the wings shake!doesn't it look like they could snap right off and send us careening to our deaths?"

At that the man behind her fainted..and the one behind Hermione looked faintly green.

"Serves 'em right, lousy eavesdroppers" Ash smirked.

Hermione snickered "Maybe this won't be such a bad flight after all."

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happy holidays to all! (Even though the holidays are technically over)

Oh! And check out stories from these users..who rock! (In my opinion)

Shounen-Ai

hono'o neko

Maidens of the Flame

Maidens of the Flame TWO

peace.


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